"Understanding that you're not lacking in anything and there is nothing wrong with you; you just have to reframe your mindset - that was possibly one of the most empowering things I learnt."
When strong personalities made me feel invisible
As Head of Software Engineering at Lumon, leading a remote engineering team, I had all the technical credentials you could ask for. I'd worked my way up from software developer to development manager, and now held a senior leadership position.
But one of the biggest struggles - and it's always been a struggle since I started my career - is speaking up in the workplace when you are surrounded by strong personalities with loud voices in a boardroom. Sometimes it didn't even have to be in a boardroom; it was just in a one-on-one conversation. As an introvert, when there's a strong personality with a loud voice, I tend to shrink back into myself and not be as expressive with my opinions as I need to be.
The more I progressed in my career, the more I realised I needed to be bold and direct to have the impact I intended. But there was another layer to my struggle: English not being my native language made me hesitant about expressing my opinion or contributing to conversations because I was afraid I wouldn't say it in the right way.
I was watching other leaders - often men - command respect effortlessly while I second-guessed every word. The irony was painful: I was leading an engineering team, yet felt powerless in the very meetings where my voice mattered most.
The wake-up call: "You're not the problem"
When I discovered Christina's programme, I was skeptical. Another leadership course promising transformation? But our first conversation changed everything. Christina shared her own struggles with speaking up in male-dominated environments, and I realised I wasn't alone - and more importantly, I wasn't lacking in anything.
The programme promised to dig deeper than surface-level confidence tricks. It would help me understand the science behind these struggles and give me practical tools I could use immediately.
Three game-changing realisations that changed everything
Throughout the programme, I kept a diary of insights. Three key learnings stood out:
1. Understanding why assertiveness feels so difficult
The expectations from women in society is that you have to be warm and welcoming, and being anything other than just warm and welcoming feels like it's a bit of a challenge. I also learnt the difference between rudeness and assertiveness - there's a cultural aspect to understanding situations where it is applicable. Sometimes I found it confusing when it would be rude versus when it would be assertive, so I'd rather not apply it at all.
This realisation was liberating. This wasn't my character - it was society and upbringing that made assertiveness feel wrong to me.
2. Redefining what "strengths" actually mean
Strengths are not what you are good at. It's the crossover between what you love to do and what you are good at. I realised I don't always have to just focus on what I'm good at just because that's what stands out. I need to find a balance with what I love doing, and then the best will come out in you.
This completely changed how I approach my leadership role and career development.
3. Understanding power dynamics
Having no power makes you submissive, helpless, stressed, and you constantly question a lot of your own actions - which was a position that I found myself in constantly.
Learning about power as a concept was incredibly useful. I'd never thought about it systematically before, but understanding power dynamics gave me a framework for navigating workplace relationships.
How I went from frustrated to empowered
The changes didn't happen overnight, but they were profound:
When you no longer beat yourself up about not being in a certain way or not feeling comfortable where you're at, you're more accepting of circumstances or behaviours that you previously experienced as frustrating and limiting. You see every challenging moment rather as an opportunity by recognising what is needed to change it into a more positive experience, and then you can draw energy from it and inspiration from it rather than it limiting you.
Instead of dreading difficult conversations or feeling powerless in meetings, I started approaching challenges as opportunities to practice my new skills. That mindset change was so helpful.
A toolkit for life: Beyond just speaking up
What I love most about the programme is that it's not something you can do one-off - it's something that you need to practice and remind yourself of throughout your career as you experience different circumstances and different personalities in the workplace.
The programme gave me practical tools for:
- Continuously evaluating how to shift power to ensure there's a balance in new relationships
- Evaluating potential imbalances because if you're not aware that there is an imbalance, you're going to constantly be stuck in that situation
- Identifying gaps and strengths to bring yourself back into a position where you're no longer helpless, stressed, and frustrated
Even networking - something I really struggled with - became easier when I understood the dynamics of power in relationships.
The most empowering insight of all
Understanding the stories that we all tell ourselves in our heads and learning how to reframe them is possibly one of the most empowering things we can do for ourselves. Not just for the sake of excelling in our professional careers, but also to just build great relationships.
The stories we tell ourselves build up over time. It's important to take some time to evaluate whether first of all they're the truth about your potential, about who you are, and then to recognise that it's possible to change it and how to go about believing in a new mindset while you're making it a habit.
My advice: Do the work, track your progress
Reading through the content is enlightening, but what makes a difference is putting it into practice. What helped me was keeping a diary of the moments where I put something into practice and whether it worked or didn't work, so I could go back and say: these are the moments that were helpful, these are the things I need to do more of.
This isn't a quick fix - it takes time. You need to leave room to reflect, to think, to evaluate where you're at, and put the tools into practice. But the investment transforms not just your career - it changes how you see yourself.
I'm still working on my power balance spreadsheet months later, updating it as dynamics shift with my team and stakeholders. But now I have the awareness and tools to navigate these situations strategically rather than just hoping for the best.
Why this programme works (and others don't)
This programme is honestly one of the most helpful tools to help you accept who you are, to define some gaps and developmental areas, and skills to get you to a place where you're confident and comfortable in assessing yourself.
Most leadership training focuses on what to do. The Assertion Mastery Programme focuses on why you're not doing it - and gives you the psychological tools to change that from the inside out.
If you're a woman in STEM who knows you're brilliant but struggles to be heard, who's tired of watching less qualified colleagues advance, or who feels like you're constantly proving yourself while others get instant respect - this programme will give you both the mindset shift and practical tools to change your trajectory.
"I can guarantee you will feel different at work after taking this course. The content is not something you can do one-off - it's something that you practice throughout your career. And honestly, understanding the stories we tell ourselves and learning to reframe them is one of the most empowering things we can do."
