When I couldn't speak up in meetings

You know that feeling when you're in a meeting and your throat just... closes up? When you want to speak up but something inside you says "don't"?

That happened to me just last month.

I'm sitting there, arms crossed, watching everyone talk over each other. I had something to contribute... something important, actually. But I couldn't get the words out.

And I kept thinking: "I teach this stuff. I help people find their voice. What's wrong with me?"

Here's what's wrong: Psychological safety isn't just some corporate buzzword. It's real. And when you don't have it, your whole body knows.

But I've learnt something... you don't have to wait for someone else to make the room feel safe. You can find ways to feel safer yourself.

Let me share what actually helped me...

The stories we tell ourselves

I once spent weeks convinced a colleague disliked me.

Turns out... I was just wearing headphones when I got to work each morning. They thought I was avoiding them. I thought I was being productive.

(We laugh about it now)

The thing is, when we feel unsafe, our brains go into overdrive. We start reading into everything.

"Did they mean something by that look?" "Why did they cut me off?" "Am I not smart enough for this team?"

Most of the time... people aren't thinking about us as much as we think they are.

Using discomfort to grow

I had this experience with a team member who spoke really fast and made quick decisions. Whenever I needed time to think, I felt... slow.

My mind would race: "They must think I can't keep up. Maybe I really can't."

Instead of avoiding them, I decided to use this as practice. Like going to the gym, but for confidence.

I started restructuring how I spoke. Point first, then details. I practiced speaking with more volume than felt natural.

Did it feel awkward? Yes. Did it help? Absolutely.

Sometimes growth happens in the uncomfortable spaces. And honestly... that's okay.

Finding your one person

When an entire team feels unsafe, you don't need to change everyone. You just need one person.

For me, that person ended up being the CEO. Not because of their position, but because I could be real with them one-on-one.

Having that relationship changed everything. Walking into difficult meetings felt different when I knew someone understood my true capabilities.

It's like... when you're at a party where you don't know anyone, but you have that one friend there. Everything shifts.

What this actually means

Look, I'm not pretending this is easy. Some work environments are genuinely difficult.

But I've learnt this: You can't always control the environment, but you can control how you respond to it.

And sometimes... that's enough to change everything.

Start small. Try one thing differently this week. Notice what happens.

Because honestly? You deserve to feel safe bringing your full self to work.