What if people notice I'm changing?

Okay, let's talk about the elephant in the room.

You want to be more assertive. You're tired of being walked over. You're done apologising too often for no reason.

But then... the fear hits.

What if people think I'm being fake?

What if they wonder why I'm suddenly different?

What if I lose everyone's trust because I'm not the "nice, agreeable person" they're used to?

I hear this question regularly.

And honestly? I get it.

Because here's the thing nobody talks about...

I used to be terrified of this too

Picture me, three years ago. Sitting in my car after a meeting where I'd been steamrolled again. Practicing what I should have said. Getting angrier by the minute.

But not at them.

At myself.

Because even though I knew I needed to speak up... I was paralysed by this exact fear.

What would my colleagues think if I suddenly grew a backbone?

They'd probably respect me more. But my brain wasn't ready for that logic yet.

The lie we tell ourselves

Here's what I realised was really happening...

I was asking for permission to grow.

Let that sink in for a second.

I was literally letting other people decide what version of me was acceptable.

It's like asking someone else if you're allowed to get better at your job. Makes zero sense when you say it out loud, right?

But we do it all the time.

The truth about change

Ready for some reality?

The people who want you to stay small... they're telling you everything you need to know about them.

Not about you.

About them.

Think about it. What kind of person wants their friend, colleague, or partner to remain less confident? Less assertive? Less powerful?

That's not someone who has your best interests at heart.

Here's what's actually happening when you "change"

You're not changing who you are

You're just... turning up the volume.

All those thoughts you've been having? Those opinions you've been swallowing? That expertise you've been hiding?

It was always there.

You're not becoming someone new. You're finally letting people see who you actually are.

The person who's been having full conversations with yourself for years.

People won't even notice (but they'll feel it)

This is the part that surprised me...

Last month, one of the 30-Day Challenge programme participants started sitting in the middle of the conference table instead of hiding in the corner.

That's it.

Just... moved her chair.

Suddenly, people started asking for her opinion. Including her in decisions. Listening when she spoke.

Nobody said, "Hey Anna, why are you sitting differently?"

They just... responded.

Because confidence is something people feel. And they're naturally drawn to it.

You get to choose your testing ground

Here's your secret weapon...

You don't have to transform with everyone at once.

Thank goodness, because that would be exhausting.

Start with the new project. The new team member. The quarterly planning meeting.

Use natural reset points where being "different" feels... normal.

I started practicing my new assertive voice in low-stakes situations first. Then gradually with colleagues I trusted. Then in bigger moments.

By the time I was ready for the important conversations? It felt natural.

The plot twist nobody expects

You know what happened when I finally stopped apologising for asking questions?

People didn't run away.

They didn't think I was fake.

They started treating me like the leader I'd always been... just hiding.

The colleagues who mattered? They supported me.

The ones who didn't? Well... they showed me exactly who they were.

And honestly? That was valuable information.

What I wish someone had told me

Listen...

You're not responsible for managing other people's comfort with your growth.

Read that again.

You're not responsible for staying small so others feel big.

You're not responsible for dimming your light so others don't feel overshadowed.

You are responsible for one thing: becoming the person you know you can be.

Your assignment (if you're ready)

This week, pick one small thing.

Maybe it's speaking without saying "sorry" first.

Maybe it's stating your opinion without hedging.

Maybe it's just... taking up your fair share of space in the room.

Do it once. See what happens.

The world won't end. People won't flee. You might even like how it feels.

The bottom line

The people worth keeping in your life want to see you succeed.

They want to see you confident.

They want to see you assertive.

And if they don't?

Well... that tells you something important about them.

You deserve to be heard. You deserve to take up space. You deserve to stop asking permission to grow.

The only person who needs to approve of the new, more assertive you...

Is you.