The cultural communication code nobody taught us

"Christina, I have a question..."

Anna had just finished my 30-day assertiveness challenge. Brilliant engineer from Poland. Started following my advice about cutting out unnecessary apologies.

"Won't this make me sound rude?" she asked. "In Poland, being direct is normal. But now I work with British people. What if they think I'm being impolite?"

I paused.

Because honestly? I didn't know.

That question got me thinking.

I mean, really thinking.

What if the "rules" of confident communication aren't actually universal? What if what works in one place backfires somewhere else?

So I started digging. What I found was fascinating.

Turns out, saying "sorry" is like speaking in code... and every culture has a different decoder.

What the research actually shows

Japan, Korea, China: They apologise for tiny inconveniences. For them, it's not weakness... it's showing you care about group harmony. That's what good leaders do.

US, Germany, Netherlands: They only apologise for actual mistakes. Anything else signals you're unsure of yourself.

UK, Canada, Australia: Pretty much the same as above... but a quick "thanks for waiting" shows courtesy without looking weak.

Turkey, Middle East, parts of Southern US: Apologising can actually hurt your standing. It's seen as admitting defeat.

So when Anna asked if reducing apologies would make her sound rude...

The answer turned out to be: it depends entirely on who she's talking to.

The question that matters

Does apologising decrease your power?

With Germans and Americans? Yes. They value directness. Jump straight into business.

With British or Canadian teams? A brief "thank you for waiting" then move on. No lengthy explanations needed.

With Japanese colleagues? Strategic apologies actually increase your authority because they show you're thinking about the team.

Here's what I discovered...

There's no universal formula for confidence.

What sounds powerful in one culture might sound cold in another.

The key isn't changing who you are. It's understanding who you're talking to.

What you can do this week

Notice your team: Where are your colleagues from? Just start paying attention to this.

Watch what works: How do the respected people in your company communicate? Copy what you see working.

Try one small change: Pick one person you work with regularly. Next time you interact, adjust your style slightly based on their background. See what happens.

The most confident thing you can do? Start noticing these patterns.

You don't need to overthink every interaction. Just begin to see the connections between how people communicate and where they're from.

That awareness alone will make you a better communicator.