Your struggle is your superpower

"I'm tired of having to prove myself over and over again."

I was twenty minutes into my workshop with women engineers. And the group was full of frustration.

Another woman added: "We work twice as hard. And we have to spend all this extra effort like today, learning communication tools. What about the guys?"

I wanted to nod and agree completely. Because they're right. It IS unfair.

The reality we face

Science shows that women do face extra hurdles:

The Authority Gap: In all areas of life, people automatically assume men are more competent. Women have to prove themselves first, while men get the benefit of the doubt.

Lower Risk-Taking: Due to biological factors like testosterone levels, women naturally take fewer risks - which can hold us back from speaking up or going for that promotion.

Communication Expectations: Women face a double bind. Act confident? "She's too aggressive." Show emotion? "She's too soft."

In male-dominated workplaces, these challenges feel overwhelming.

So then what?

The trap of focusing on unfairness

I spent years being frustrated about this.

I'd go home after work and replay the situations where I was overlooked and my ideas not heard, where I felt invisible.

The frustration felt justified. It felt reasonable.

(It WAS reasonable.)

But you know what frustration got me?

Not much progress.

It got me stress and a lot of sleepless nights wondering what I was doing wrong.

What if your struggle becomes your strength?

Here is what I realised...

When you're required to work harder... you often develop stronger skills.

When people don't immediately take you seriously... you learn to make your communication really clear.

When you can't rely on assumptions... you build genuine competence.

While some people might coast on initial impressions... you're developing abilities they might never need to build.

Think about it.

Because you have to be more intentional, you learn to:

• Communicate with unusual clarity
• Build relationships before you need support
• Read situations carefully
• Recover from setbacks with grace
  
  

What this means for your life

These skills you're building... they extend beyond work. They are life skills.

The communication techniques I teach? My students use them with their families. With their friends. In difficult personal conversations.

The confidence strategies? They apply them to salary negotiations, new opportunities, and finally taking the art course they never had the courage to.

The resilience? That shows up everywhere.

The people who never struggled

I've observed something over the years...

People who had easier paths early on sometimes struggle when they finally encounter their first real challenge.

Because they never had to develop these particular muscles. They never had to learn how to persist through difficulty.

You? You've been building these abilities consistently.

The choice in front of you

So here's what you can consider...

You can continue focusing on how challenging the situation is. (And it IS challenging. That's real.)

Or...

You can start viewing these difficulties as developing skills that will serve you for decades.

Every difficult conversation becomes practice. Every time you have to establish credibility becomes strength building. Every setback becomes resilience training.

While others might wonder why certain things feel hard for them... you'll have already developed the tools to handle complexity.

What comes next

The real missed opportunity isn't facing obstacles.

It's not recognising what you're gaining from working through them.

These challenges aren't just difficulties. They're preparation.

For the leadership opportunities coming your way. For the projects you'll take on. For the impact you'll make.

The question isn't whether you'll encounter challenges. (You will.)

The question is: How will you use what you're learning?