Why your mind goes blank in important moments

"I know exactly what I should say, but when it happens, my mind goes completely blank."

I really hate that feeling.

You know the one. That moment when your brain just... abandons you.

Last week, Anna messaged me:

"Christina, I'm such a failure. I knew exactly how to handle that interruption in today's meeting. But when Jake cut me off during my presentation? Nothing. I just froze."

I stared at her message - I knew exactly what she was going through.

I've been exactly where you are

Picture this: Me, five years ago.

I'd just spent time learning the "perfect" way to handle inappropriate comments at work. I had the framework memorised:

1. Acknowledge their intent
2. State how you feel
3. Suggest they don't repeat it

Easy, right?

Then someone from our sales team, let’s call him Chad, made his usual "joke" about women drivers during our team lunch.

And I...

Smiled.

Actually SMILED and changed the subject.

I went home that night and wanted to crawl under my couch and live there forever.

What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I access the ONE thing I'd been practicing?

What I learnt after that changed everything. There are four specific stages every person goes through when learning any new skill. Once you understand where you are in the process, you stop beating yourself up and start making real progress.

Let me walk you through each one...

Here's what nobody tells you about learning

Your brain isn't broken.

You're not weak.

You're just... human.

And humans take time to learn new things.

Walking. Driving. Speaking up. Not apologising for existing.

Once I figured this out, everything changed. I stopped being so hard on myself.

Stage 1: You don’t realise there’s a problem

You don't know what you don't know.

You're walking around thinking you're handling things fine, while missing so much.

I spent YEARS in meetings thinking I was "being polite" by letting people interrupt me.

Turns out? I was being invisible.

Stage 2: Suddenly you see every mistake

Suddenly you see EVERYTHING.

Every missed opportunity.

Every moment you should have spoken up.

Every time you said "sorry" for no reason.

I remember counting eleven times I apologised in ONE meeting. Eleven! For things that weren't even my fault.

But here's the plot twist: This awareness? It's actually progress.

I know, I know. Feels like torture. But you've moved from unconscious to conscious. That's huge.

Stage 3: You know what to say - but freeze

You know what to do.

You can explain it to other people.

But in the moment? Your brain is still catching up like it's running through mud.

This is where Anna was. Where I lived for MONTHS.

If someone gave you five minutes to think, you'd nail it. But real life doesn't work that way.

I'd walk away from meetings thinking: "I KNEW what to say. It was RIGHT THERE. Why am I like this?"

Stage 4: You respond without thinking

Finally... it becomes automatic.

You respond in the moment without breaking a sweat.

But (and this is important) getting here takes TIME.

Months. Sometimes years.

Rome wasn't built in a day.

How I stopped sabotaging myself

For stage 2:

I started celebrating my failures.

Every time I noticed I'd missed an opportunity, I'd literally say "Yes! I saw it!" out loud.

My neighbours probably thought I was talking to myself. Which... I was.

Keep a "Missed opportunities" list. Not to beat yourself up... but to celebrate your growing awareness.

For stage 3:

Practice in low-stakes situations first.

I started with my best friend.

Then colleagues I actually liked.

Your brain works better when you're not terrified of the consequences.

Get a practice partner. Someone who'll role-play scenarios with you without judging your spectacular failures.

The first time it finally clicked

Six months after the Chad incident, I was in another meeting.

Different guy, same energy. Let's call him Derek.

Derek made some comment about how "emotional" women get during negotiations.

And without thinking...

"Derek, I'm sure you meant that as a general observation, but it comes across as dismissive of the women on this team. Can we focus on the actual negotiation strategy instead?"

It just... came out.

I didn't plan it. Didn't rehearse it.

It was finally automatic.

Derek looked surprised.

The room went quiet.

Then our female VP said, "Thank you, Christina. Now, back to the strategy..."

I felt proud. Really proud.

The truth nobody wants to hear

This stuff takes time.

Lots of time.

I know that's not what you want to hear. I wanted a magic pill too.

But here's what I learnt: Every awkward silence, every missed opportunity, every moment you kicked yourself afterward... that's not failure.

That's training.

You're literally rewiring your brain.

Be patient with yourself.

You're exactly where you need to be right now

Right now, think about one technique you've been trying to use.

Which stage are you in?

• Stage 1: What technique? (Welcome to the club)
• Stage 2: I see every failure and hate myself for it
• Stage 3: I know what to do but my brain moves slowly
• Stage 4: It feels natural (Amazing work!)

Wherever you are... you're right on track.

Even if it feels like you're moving backwards.

Even if you cried in your car after work yesterday.

Even if you're convinced you're the only person who struggles with this.

You're not. We all do.

You're building something important.

And it's worth the wait.