Your manager is not responsible for your promotion

I was on a call with this brilliant engineer last week.

And she says to me: "Christina... I think my manager doesn't want me to progress."

My heart sank.

Because I've been there. We've ALL been there.

"He keeps avoiding career conversations," she continues. "Every review, there's this gap between where I am and the next level. No matter what I achieve... the goalposts keep moving."

The truth about why this happens

Your manager is human.

And humans get scared.

Here's what they'll never tell you:

They worry you'll outgrow them.

You're learning and growing fast. Asking good questions. And somewhere in their mind, they're thinking: "What if she becomes better than me? What if I look bad by comparison?"

It's not rational - but it's real.

They feel threatened by your progress.

If you're moving faster than they did at your stage? If opportunities seem to come naturally to you?

That can sting.

Especially if their sense of worth is tied to being "the successful one" in the room.

I'm not excusing this behaviour.

But understanding it helps you respond differently.

Because once you see it for what it is... you stop taking it personally.

What I wish I'd known earlier

Stop waiting for them to change.

I used to think if I just worked harder... delivered better results...

Eventually they'd notice.

Eventually they'd care about my growth.

(Spoiler alert: they didn't.)

Here's what actually works:

Make the conversation happen.

Book a meeting. Tell them you need 30 minutes to discuss your career path.

Then ask: "What specifically do I need to do to get promoted? Can you give me clear milestones and timelines?"

Get them to be concrete.

Push for real feedback.

Women often get vague feedback. "Be more confident." "Show more leadership."

That doesn't help anyone.

Ask follow-up questions: "Can you give me a specific example? What would that look like day-to-day?"

Make them be specific.

Find someone else who believes in you

This one changed everything for me.

I was stuck under a manager who saw me as competition. Every idea I had got shot down.

So I looked elsewhere.

I started building a relationship with our CEO. Asked for career advice. Shared project updates. Asked thoughtful questions about the business.

That CEO became my mentor.

And when promotion discussions happened? I had an advocate at the table.

Your manager has one voice in your career. One.

Don't give them all the power.

Ask yourself the important question

Is this role serving your bigger goals?

I chose to stay in a position where my boss actively held me back.

Why?

Because I was learning skills I needed for my next move. Building relationships. Gaining experience I couldn't get elsewhere.

I had a plan.

Sometimes dealing with a difficult manager is worth it... if you're working toward something bigger.

But if you're just suffering with no clear purpose?

That's when you need to make a change.

The hard truth

Your manager probably isn't going to transform into your biggest supporter.

People rarely change that dramatically.

The question is: what are you going to do about it?

Because here's what I've learnt:

Your career growth is your responsibility.

Not theirs. Not HR's. Yours.

You can't control their insecurities...

But you can control how you respond.

Maybe that means having the direct conversation you've been avoiding.

Maybe it means finding mentors in other departments.

Maybe it means getting crystal clear on what success looks like for YOU.

Whatever it is... the power is in your hands.